she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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