He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
