I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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