I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
