I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize