Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
