it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
