3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she told me i tasted like america
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
