i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
