nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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