alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
love makes seman taste better
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
