There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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