i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
