Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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