Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He passed out mid-signature
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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