In the future we'll all be gay
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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