Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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