oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
too bad you live with your parents still
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
