the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
