I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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