What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
