it wasn't lemon gatorade
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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