I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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