i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
