i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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