the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
