I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
