Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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