Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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