the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
