i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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