What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
