I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
