Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
