We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
