i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
