Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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