Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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