Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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