Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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