Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
