That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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