What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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