you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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