So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
