Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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