I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
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I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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