remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
