we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize