He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
