I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
