Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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