my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
