I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
