Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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