Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
