i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
