I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
only if we run a train.
done.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
