i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
