He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
