oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
