how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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