He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
