Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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