my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
