end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
