walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
