I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what day is it and did you see me today?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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