i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
