I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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