I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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