Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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