a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
