You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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